just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I want is dick and wine.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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