Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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