I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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