U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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