I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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