I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dick very happy bro
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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