READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
