Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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