batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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