dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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