saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
