Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
