College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Welp...herpes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
