I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
