official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
FUCK WHALES
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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