I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
