It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
that is very illegal...i love you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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