I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
