I wish life had little blips of pornography
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
