Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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