Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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