so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
