Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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