I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
