Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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