I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
