i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
