you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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