i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
