did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
