It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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