My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
