before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
