I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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