We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
