if i can run in heels then i can drive
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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