I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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