God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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