pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
