I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
