We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
