I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
