even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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