i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
