last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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