So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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