The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
