In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
