I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
