obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
