he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
