My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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