When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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