That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
