I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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