I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
