I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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