Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
