All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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