i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
