Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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