He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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