I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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