yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
