I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
