Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i think i just lost a toe
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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