You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
