i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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