just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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