she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
