I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
