I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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