check it out our google latitudes are spooning
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
